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J ♡

I’m glad that I held onto this. Something that I never thought might work out between us is working just fine for the both of us. Though trust will always be an issue for me but I’m really trying to build the trust.

Thanks for always being the good tempered one and taking my nonsensical little girl behaviour. Because I can never handle another me. 

Thanks for going out to surprise me. Something that you are not accustomed to do. Thanks for the irritating prank on April’s Fool. I never knew how much I wanted you till then.

I love you Joshua. So much.

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Have you loved someone so much that even when you know youre being used but cant seem tp walk away from it?

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Onwards to the 14.

Finally a chance to sit down and pen an entry, first for the year too! No doubts the ups and downs, 2013 has been a fairly good year for me.

Cancelled out all the goals I’ve set for 2013 is already something to celebrate for. Got my driving license, got my advance diving license and also picked up muay thai which I got promoted to level 2 within a year. On top of that, I’ve also picked up jiujitsu which I’ve neglected for a couple of months, sadly.

Work wise was filled with happiness, sadness and lots of anger. Ended my stint at Frame by Frame which I will really miss my colleagues. Met a lot of wonderful people this year especially the gym buddies. Going for training is so much easier with people like them.

Relationship with the family were alright too. Still the baby of the family I guess. Which can be quite tiring explaining to them that I am no longer 15 but turning 26 in the new year. But well, bonds with the dad is better now I supposed (hopefully).

Met the man in 2013 as well. It wasn’t all smooth sailing but I guess it was worth the fight. We are still trying to make things work out so, lets hope that 2014 will be better for us. For those who are unsure if things are worth fighting for, just fight for it. Because if you never do, you will never know. Give yourself and the things you want to believe in the benefit of doubt.

2014 is going to be a challenging year for myself. No more enjoyment of full time job with monthly pay. Everything is solely going to base on my own hard work of selling myself out there. Freelancing is not going to be easy but not now then when?

Goals for 2014? Just hope that I will be able to survive the year.

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It has only been like what 3 weeks close to a month yet things felt loke forever. Too much drama happening, too much thoughts and emotions. I cant fathom myself too sometimes.

Rule #1 never read your partner’s messages. It can really hurt knowing the truth and whats hes been hiding from you.

My guess is, its not going to get pass 2013.

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why do i have to fuck things up again? i know it isnt entirely my fault but..

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The itchy fingers went to read his messages again. Guess what I read? Sighhh.

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I thought at least I would only start regretting much later. Im already regretting it now. But why am I still here?

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Many friends may not approve of my recent life decision. some say i’m looking for trouble, some say i’ll end up getting myself hurt. but what is living without taking a little risk? never try, never know. So I’ll just enjoy it when it last.

Sometimes I don’t understand my parents. i’m 25 and turning 30 in 5 years time. yes, i’m the youngest in the family and they feel like they have to protect me. but i’m already an adult and i can take care of myself. they kept bugging me to go dating, to bring someone home. and when i did they nag at me, telling me things like “dont do wrong things”. I know they care about me but i think i’m old enough to differentiate between right and wrong. why dont i see them nagging at my older sisters when they are doing the same things at my age? sighhh.

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Time past too fast this month. Or maybe too much has been happening in oct.